so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
