i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list