did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
