Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
