I'm lost and stupid without you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
