He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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