and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
