I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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