call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
