This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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