Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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