It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
