I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
