dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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