I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
