Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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