All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
