I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
