so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
