Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
