If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
