I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
