You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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