I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
