so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
