I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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