Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
