he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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