i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
