Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
