its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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