WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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