First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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