If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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