you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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