Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
