Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
