I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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