Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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