Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
