My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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