i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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