Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We have started to decorate penises.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
