it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
