I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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