the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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