yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
