Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
