Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
