Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize