I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
