it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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