Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
