Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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