did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
