Got a toothbrush?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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