Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
