i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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