If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
