That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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