I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
