Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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