She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
