guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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