I cockslap morals
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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