She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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