Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
bring money and cleavage
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
