I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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