normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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