apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
