I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
