I cannot find my penis.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
